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USA Help please

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I've been commissioned to pen a stroke story with a given plot.
She is role playing a teasing hot wife as they agreed in a nightclub and enjoying it. He's at home.
This is the phone call she has made on her cell to him.

"Hi babe....God! Hang on, it's too noisy in here.......hi that's better. Yeah I'm at Hot Bits like I told you....yeah.....great. What's up?.......... Cool!...Yeah you'll enjoy those old movies I found for you, big boobs hairy pussy Kitten Navidad....you're jerking off, what a third time? Shit! Save some for me babe, I'm the proverbial hot wife."

Is that the correct sort of chat in terms etc?

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