I've just had yet another go at this story, with version 2.5. My problem with it has always been that Douglas loves Faye but he can't end up marrying her because they are so unequal. So the story degenerated from an intimate first half to my usual teen orgy nonsense in the second, and in the process it lost the feeling.
So now I've tried to keep the focus more on Faye and maintain the mood, without giving up on the basic plot. If any readers feel like commenting on this, ideally in the public Comments at the end, I'd be very grateful.