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Fan Fictions - Why I love them and why I would suck their dick

November 8, 2016
Posted at 9:23 am

When I started reading erotic Internet Fiction I had no idea what was on the Internet really.

I worked in bars and strip clubs and grew up in a trailer park not too far removed from the story Hard Times.

**Moms who shacked up with their daughter's boyfriends.

**Lesbian twins who worked as strippers

**A guy who came into the bar carrying a toilet lid in his briefcase and paid girls to piss on his face in motel rooms.

**People who dressed up as Furry animals and had little orgies
Nudist resorts that were family friendly by day but had a swinger sub-culture at night that everyone was hush-hush and wink-wink about.

**I watched a stripper take an entire half-gallon of Ice Cream and eat it out of her own pussy with a spoon on stage in front of 7 guys and then walk outside of the club in broad daylight behind the dumpsters and bend over so that she could be washed out with a garden hose. I still remember her yelling at the DJ to stop crimping the hose and just focusing on her ass and tits. "I need to clean everything else off!!"

** I watched Jerry Springer regularly and saw nephews pimping out their aunt for crack and people who wanted to live BDSM relationships out in the open.

I thought I had seen just about everything.

Then one fine day I got the Internet and wow - I had not seen shit.

People trained to "BE" Ponies, Erotic machines that auto-fuck a girl even after she passes out, fetishes about choking a woman out and that was just the first day.

There was one site that featured strictly fantasies about a game show where celebrities that were fading would routinely humiliate themselves on stage for a fleeting chance to restart their fame. They would strip and be tortured in front of a throng of fans eager to watch them be strung up in some Puritanical style water-wheel that would spin them around slowly and dunk them in water or sit in an electric chair for a prolonged shocking while they squirted out any bodily fluids on public cable.

This was YEARS before shows like "I am a Celebrity, get me out of here", "Naked and Afraid: Celebrity edition" "Fear Factor" where they essentially did exactly that.

I eventually discovered Dolcett and dangerous porn where women were turned into meals - usually quite willingly and their only concern was if they would serve enough people or if they would be tender enough.

I actually kept a whole folder of stories that made me say "What the Fuck?"

Pictures of a line of naked girls pressed against the wall holding their ass cheeks apart and a guy coming along and inserting one crisp potato chip between their ass.

Or maybe a naked woman holding a gun and a watermelon for no apparent reason.

I would ask "What the fuck was the context of this? why was it taken? Was it taken to turn someone on? Was it taken to make some one money? what is this??"

I was fascinated by this Internet.

Then one day I discovered the kind of porn that actually turned me on. It came in the form of humiliations and blackmails mostly.

People like Vulgus were writing stories about neighbors who had all this time to create elaborate schemes against their unsuspecting neighbors to tangle them up in complex webs and make them do their bidding.

I don't know why but it really turned my fucking screws.

The problem was usually the story would be written almost like a vignette from my perspective. In typical guy fashion - it got in and it got out. The very best stories seemed to only contain two or three chapters and just as I fell truly in love with these characters - boom, it ended.

"So what happens next? What about vengeance? Can the mother who got blackmailed not turn the tables on that guy now? What about a story after she moves out in with him to serve obediently where they pretend to be a nice normal family and a NEW neighbor moves into her house next door and they repeat the process and entrap them?"

But those stories did not exist.

So the next best thing was "Fan Fiction" - this is where they take a TV show or a book or even someone else's story and play with these established characters.

Some are very, very bad.

"What if Captain Kirk wanted to fuck Doctor McCoy on Star Trek?"

And then there are lines like "Dammit Jim, I am a Doctor not a Boy Toy!" and "Bones, I want to Jump your Bones!"

Some though were very, very good.

I really liked one that was based on the Brady Bunch.

The sugary sweet homogenized all-American family that I had grown up watching on TV - but now Bobby was fucking Cindy and Jan was playing with herself and Marsha was being tied up by Bobby, Greg and Peter and Alice was fooling around with Tiger and Sam the Butcher in full leather with whips.

What was great about it was that it was still short but at least the exposition wasn't needed to establish these characters in my mind. I knew who Mr. Brady was and all I needed to know was Perm or straight hair.

I began to write stories of my own and create my own characters but I would borrow heavily from existing characters (And people I actually know) to write my stories and breathe life into them. A lot of the shit Ted says in Hard Times, someone - usually a brother or a friend has actually said to me.

The other day my sister said "It was not in her D and A" to be a certain way. I quickly jotted that down because it was fucking priceless because she meant it wasn't in her DNA. She wouldn't know what DNA was if she took a bite out of one.

I vowed to write the kind of stories I really wanted to read - which were longer and had characters evolve over time so that how they were at first - they weren't later.

They were transformed by living through the story.

I wanted to beat up, knock down, drag out, and put my main character through hell - I didn't want them to have an easy time of things. I also didn't want you to know what was going to happen and that it would all just magically work out in the end.

I think one way I accomplish that is by making my characters flawed people. I want you to find some you can root for but ultimately when bad shit happens to them (and it often does just like real life) then I don't want you to feel so bad - in fact, I want you to see it as an improvement if they transform or change.

But people tend not to write like me - they prefer the more bite sized stories. I get that- I really do. I think it's like I am posting an elephant though and you eat an elephant the same way you do a bite sized snicker - one bite at a time.

Here is how you read a short story
1. Read the story
2. Ready to Jerk Off?
3. If yes go to step 4 if not go to step 1 and read another story
4. Jerk off.

With mine all you have to do is
1. Read a chapter
2. Ready to Jerk Off?
3. If yes go to step 4 if not go to step 1 and read another chapter in the same story.
4. Jerk off.

Then pick up where you left off except now you know my characters and can watch them grow and fall in love with them.

I go to thinking about what ELSE I would like to see if I could of Fan Fiction - even if its in short story format. I am willing to read those because at least I know these characters.

So here is my partial list for your consideration - I'd especially love to see someone who is willing to TRY to write that never wrote before. I was like you and people actually told me I sucked. One person wrote "If you were trying to capture the internal monologue of an air head you nailed it".

I was mortified and stopped writing - but i am glad i didn't because it's been a real fun experience creating things other people jerked their dicks and fingered their pussies too - inspiring them to write would be even more awesome.


1. Modern Family!
I started watching this show recently and I absolutely love, love, love how dysfunctional it is. It is so ripe for writing fan fiction that I can't believe I haven't done it.

You've got Haley and Alex Dunphy - two hotties so right there is a lot of cheese and titty.

You've got perv Jay (Al Bundy) and his hot wife Gloria who uses her tits to get whatever she wants. You've got Claire the Milf!

That is just for starters - there is so much you could do with these characters intertwined into some sexual perversions that I can hardly stand that there aren't any dirty stories on the internet (that I can find).

2. Reba!

I wrote about this a long time ago. Reba is another show a lot like Modern Family. Reba's southern twang and sassy attitude, and Norma Jean's blonde bimbo quality, her slutty older daughter and bratty younger daughter - it fucking writes itself really if you just put the characters together in a situation and start theorizing how it would go!!

I could picture Cheyenne preparing for some misguided idea of being on "America's Got Talent" crossed with "Naked and Afraid" where they drop her off in the jungle and she asks Scarlett and her husband to help her train for it by putting her through these exercises and Reba is like "Now Cheyenne, how come you gotta go on national TV and show them boobies to get famous!"

Steve her dopey husband says "Well, she's gotta show her boobies because she doesnt have brains!" and puts his finger to his forehead while rolling his eyes like that should have been obvious.

3. Game of Thrones

I know that George Martin has said he doesn't want to see any Fan fiction and I am sure there is actually some pervy fan fiction but dammit - how about some really twisted and pervy stuff that I can even understand.

Get rid of the "Lord Fantelblane, bids you good tidings on the titty of the merriweather, my good lord, and shall I call for another Tiddlywinking?" pidgin shakespeare dialogue and watch the damned show on HBO and do that.

Just DO that.

Write about what actually happened when Sansa was given to Boltons and draw that story out with Reek and the games that were played.

Write about Geoffery putting her through hell and humiliation at the court back around season two or three when he was King and she was his consort still.

Write about the twisted perversions put upon Queen Marjorie and Cersei while they were held by the Sparrows that we never see and how some of them made Marjorie see the light or she secretly enjoyed and couldn't admit - wanted more of.

Pick two characters pretty much at random, even if they are related and write about their travels across Westeros fighting and fucking their way from one place to the other.

Write about life in the brothel for a young peasant girl fleeing from House Umber in the Northlands after Theon Greyjoy raids their village looking for the Stark Boys.

Write about kinky stuff that is taught to Queen Daenarys while she rides with Khal Drago to make her a better wife and how she continues the practice while marching on Westeros.

It's like there are a hundred stories to tell and not enough time.


Nothing flatters me more on this site than seeing someone add to the family feud universe and take characters I wrote and see what they can do with them.

Here are just a few - the very tip of the dick you can tug to squirt out a good story;


I've already mentioned this a few times but I'd love to see stories about Chicken and her mother. Around Chapter 111 - I introduce the Solomon family and Chicken proudly jumps at the chance to be a pool girl or a slave and runs out in the yard. I had so much fun writing that part of the story that I really wanted to write it as a separate series.

Don't worry - Ted is going to swing by their trailer on Sunday morning and give them a chance to come down to the pool by the way. He has a thing for her mom.

The end of Family Feud was really hard for me to write. I had so much loved the Taylor's but I had put them through hell and in the end Wendy and Jamie both had changed in so many ways and so had Chris and Bill!!

I was told that the ending felt forced but truth be told it is quite long and I thought it served as a fair epilogue as they sailed into the sunset - leaving behind the greatest adventure of their lives.

The few feedback emails I got seemed to indicate they were curious what happens to them and I remember feeling that way about some of those early stories I had read long ago and fallen in love with - so I wrote "Dear Internet from Cowtits"-which was Wendy setting the record straight on how they are doing now.

It was a fun little short "story" in a letter format -

I would love to see a few more of those from Jamie, Bill or Chris or to tell a story about what happens on their drive away at the end of FFIV.

I would love to see a person take a moment in time from (For exmaple) when the family moved into Rahjid's motel and began whoring and just write out how a typical night had gone for them in more detail. One of the few Fan Fictions I have in FF universe is a lovingly detailed story of a gang bang at a fire station that Wendy and Jamie have in order to make money.

Hard Times has so many opportunities for something kinky as well - and I've mentioned these before but go back to when Maw-Maw was young and in high school and still super hot and Ted and Daisy hadn't even been born. Her mom is the hottest woman in Buckman county and belongs to Senior who is actively running the Trailer Park!

How about just pick a trailer a few down from Crystal's on Glory Hill and write about their situation? Put it on J street! Write some people and give them an interesting and kinky situation and go from there - without even interacting with Ted and his lot if you don't want. You could have Odd-Jobs show up now and then to move things along when he is in between whatever he is doing down at the pool this may be his side-scam he is running.

What about the Devine family and all the kink that goes on there? I purposely left a lot of room for someone to describe how things go there after Clay decides to start training Candy and Angel and subsequently his wife and Chastity.

How about some adventure of April and Tawny Haislip before they start this.I kind of modeled them on Kris and Kim Kardashian in a way - so you could have them willingly go dick sucking around and whoring things up for coke or whatever you want to do.

The reason I encourage this is a little selfish - in the end I really just want to read some good stories.

It is okay to be a little selfish - as long as you share it with the rest of us.