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November 27, 2015
Posted at 10:01 am
Updated: November 27, 2015 - 10:06 am
 

Living in the Best of All Possible Worlds

[I blog a lot and much of it is not about my erotic fiction. I'm debating how much of that to share here. I've decided to share this item for two reasons. First it explores appreciating what we have before us and the importance of thanks, which is apropos at least here in the United States. Secondly, for me, erotic fiction is part of a broader celebration of sexuality and openness. Writing is part of my broader work as a lover, and it's that broader work that I'd like to be open about. I'm hoping that my readers will connect with my stories and my broader work and see them all as a challenge to expand and grow as lovers, following a path of joy that is right for them.]

I turned 40 this year. I celebrated my birthday with family and friends. However, I also wanted to celebrate in the style of the kind of work I'd like to create with Lovers Grove. So I put together a sex-positive, clothing-optional space. I've been in such spaces at festivals, but never hosted one myself before.


Even though the space was not overtly spiritual, it was a ritual space for me, constructed with focused intent and familiar symbols. I talked about how music fit into that intent already.


It was wonderful; I'll definitely do that again. I wanted to create a space that was appropriate for BDSM play, but that was more social than a typical play space. Typically, for very good reason, there's a boundary around those in a scene; people outside the scene do not interrupt and give those in the scene a certain kind of privacy while still viewing what is going on. That environment is great for some work. However, I don't want that for a party. I'd rather have something that builds community rather than simply creating a safe space where people can do their own thing. However, it's still important to respect everyone's boundaries.


Chuck and I balanced that very well in our work. We managed to show the joy we found in each other, help me be less nervous running the event, all while including rather than excluding the group as a whole. We tended to include through conversation, banter and shared context. There were a couple of negotiated instances where people joined the scene more directly. Also there was room for people who wanted some distance as they were not as comfortable with what was going on.


I think the space facilitated other people doing their work as well. It seems like people managed to explore their boundaries and balance the social interaction they desired. A great friend managed to present some work she's doing to help Lovers Grove and we all were able to admire that.


This was nothing like what I hoped for when I imagined the party. I realized that I'd been wanting something different about an hour after most of the guests left. Several people I'd really hoped to see there were not able to make it. There's been some interpersonal friction and life circumstances that have made certain types of connection more difficult.
And yet, I managed to hold both my hopes unrealized and the wonderful experience that did happen in my head all at once, taking joy both in my desires as well as the reality. I've written about how Venus work focuses on the distinction between honoring desires and their realization. This experience was part of that.


Even a year ago, I think my sadness at how my hopes were not realized would have marred my enjoyment of what happened. Now though, I'm able to see that reality opened new possibilities that I had not anticipated. This experience was what the people needed at the time. I'm not sure I would have even enjoyed it had the party gone as I hoped: I happened not to be in the space to appreciate that level of intensity.


One of the Fires of Venus keepers of the Temple of Flame spoke of choosing to live in the best of all possible worlds. For me, the sort of acceptance both of your own desires along side the reality, appreciating all aspects of both of these is at the heart of that choice. I've wanted to write about living in the best of all possible worlds for a while. However, I keep getting stuck on trying to explain that it's not a fatalistic acceptance. It's not surrender to fate. At least for me it's a very active acceptance of what is before us, combining will exerted to shape reality with the compassion to connect to what is as well as to what is (was) desired. I find great joy when I'm able to do that.