I regret to inform you that I failed. I have quit. After long and deliberate consideration, I have given up my lifelong dream of becoming the antichrist. I am simply too old to go around leading mythological armies against imaginary foes. And, given the current field of presidential candidates, there is, frankly, too much competition.
I will, however, continue in my role as resident evil. In the light of current political and religious ideology, however, I will be limiting my field of involvement to the areas of lust and gluttony and will continue to be a consultant in the area of sloth. Wrath, greed, envy, and pride are simply beyond the scope of my expertise and we must all accept our limitations.
I want to thank you all for your years of faithful service to the seven deadly sins and to my ambition. I will certainly understand if you unfollow me and throw your allegiance to Donald Trump or Hilary Clinton or the aspirant of your choice.