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June 28, 2013
Posted at 12:47 am
 

What is going on (not a question)

It's been long enough that people are starting to question whether I'm still writing or not. They ask me "What are you working on, if anything?"

So I'm going to tell you, so that you understand why I disappear for long stretches.

My normal modus operandi is, when I have finished something big (The Hermit of Scarecrow Valley) I start working on three or four "new" stories at the same time. Some of them are already in the "in development" folder, which means they are partly written. You'll understand about that in a minute. Then, if there is nothing there that grabs me, I look in "the projects folder" where there are ideas from nice folks like you, or things that have gone on the back burner (also partly written.)

Before I tell you what the "big four" are most recently, let me say that I work on all of them until one of them reaches out and throttles me, saying "Write me now or I will make you sterile in your sleep, and ensure that Viagra no longer works for you!"

Or something along those lines. You get the idea.

So then I work on that story exclusively.

What happens to the other three? Simple. They go back into the "in development" folder. If they have been going badly, and need some time to simmer, they might go clear back to "the projects folder."

So, at least initially, there is a little progress on a lot of projects, which means you don't see anything completed for a long enough time that you wonder if I'm still writing, or even alive.

Of course you'd know that already, if you were Roy, who has the all time record for reading my stories and writing to me about them, because you'd get an email a day (sometimes more) in answer to all your nice notes about what you read (or re-read) last night.

But never mind that. You owe me nothing. And, actually, I owe you nothing. I just love writing, and I like to share it, so I do. I care about you ... I just don't schedule my life around you.

Anyway, here are the four things I was working on since Hermit. I'll save the one that threatened me, and is therefore being completed post haste, for last.

1. Take Your Daughter To Work Day - Version Bravo. A Catholic school girl is sent five tickets to the Superbowl from her father, who is the head coach, and he invites her to come see him for a few days and take some time off from school. She invites four girls with her, some of whom already have have questionable morals and might exert the wrong kind of peer pressure. A novice is assigned to chaperone them. A problem on the highway separates the girls from the almost, but not quite nun, and they arrive first. A party has been planned for the winning team, which includes strippers and hookers, in various costumes. Enter five girls in Catholic school girl uniform, mix in some misunderstanding and curiosity, and you have a plot. Never mind what happens when the novice shows up. I have to have some secrets.

2. The Bob Claus, which is actually a story that will be released in November or December, should it get written by then. But you don't wait to the last minute for things like that. Bob is a paratrooper who is doing some kind of jump on Christmas Eve, and lands on Santa's sleigh, knocking the poor old fella out. The sleigh returns to the North Pole on autopilot and Bob is set upon by a whole town full of angry elves. When one cute young female elf suggests that Bob should be required to complete the mission, and volunteers to go with him as his co-pilot ... you have a plot.

3. The Frog Prince is an original fairy tale involving a young man who is hexed by a witch and turned into a frog. The spell will only be broken when a princess kisses him. So how do you get a princess to kiss a frog? You have him able to grow a dildo sized sexual organ, that's how.

Yeah, that one was the first to fall off the radar. Maybe it will get written some day ... maybe not. We'll see. Not all of my ideas are good ones.

And the winner is:
4. Penelope, Mistress of the Manor which was supposed to be a short stroke story about a very young woman who is married of to an old lush of a lord, who demands she present him with an heir. She decides she's not going to be the only fair young maiden to end up with a grossly distorted abdomen, and sets about arranging for all the maids in the manor to get knocked up too.

As usual, though, I ended up liking the characters too much to make them all sluts (including the boys) so it's something like 10 chapters long already and maybe half done. I'm not even sure about that, because my muse threw a hell of a curve in there just this morning, and that's going to add a good three chapters.

Of course I've given you only the broad overview of the plot, and I'm not telling you all the ins and outs of the story. I will tell you it is narrated by the butler, Wadsworth, who is in his late fifties or early sixties, and is the only male in the whole story who doesn't get any. Well, there's his hand but ...
Anyway, it may not go over all that well with the average reader, because it's written in 16th or 17th century language, in England, which means some people might be looking up a lot of words and that can get tedious. But I love the story, so it got the nod.

Now, having said all that, and explaining how four stories morphed into only one that you'll see relatively soon(probably some time in July, depending on whether Andy has time to edit it or not) I must remind you that, while I'm working on a long, complicated book, with lots of characters, like this one, I also take little breaks, and work on something else.

Not the big three. That would irritate my muse. But I might work on something short, that can be written in a few days.

So I did that, and that's what Andy has right now. I don't know what the title will be when you see it in a week or two. It started out as Growing Up With Uncle Bob but that was a stupid title. Then it was Full-time Triplet, Part-time nudist which was also lame. When I sent it to Andy it was called My Unconventional Life. I don't like that either, but it has to be called something. I love writing the story, but I hate having to come up with a title.

Maybe Andy will think of an idea of what to call it.

And since I told you way too much about all those other books (Nobody out there better steal these ideas or I'll be really pissed!) I'm not going to tell you anything at all about the currently temporarily titled story you'll see next.

You already know it involves triplets, and Uncle Bob, and nudism.

That's all you get.

And I'm going to arrange in my will to have a note put on SOL in my blog when I die. Okay? So you'll know when that happens.

Thanks for reading.

Bob