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Why I write so much about pregnancy, Chapter Two

September 6, 2005
Posted at 11:52 pm
Updated: November 19, 2005 - 9:58 am

Author's note: I got an email from a guy who says he doesn't do any of the things you're about to read, and he objected to being included in "all men". So, I'm not trying to speak for "all men" here. OK?

People still write and ask me why I always knock up the women in my stories. "What is it with your obsession about sperm and eggs and pregnancy?" they complain.

I wrote about this in the blog already, and they obviously didn't read it. But, as SOL has so wonderfully provided me with this space, I'll just tell you why in a little more detail.

First, I want to discuss this from the erotica angle. I think most men love to look at a pregnant woman because of a game we all play. When you're growing up, and when your grown, and when you're too old to actually have sex any more, one of the favorite pasttimes of men is to look at a selected woman, whether they know her or not, and ask themselves what I call "The big four questions" that are on most men's minds when they play the game.

(1)"Does she do it?" Does this woman take off her clothing and spread her legs and let a man slide his penis into her?
(2)AND, does she let him do it bareback?
(3)AND does she let him cum in her?
(4)AND does she let him do all these things when she's fertile?
Some men ask a fifth question: What are the chances she'd do it with me?

This is a game men NEVER tire of playing. But ... the problem is, you never actually know. I mean you can assume she's sexually active, or that she's not a virgin. You can guess about it. But you can't actually walk up to her and say

"By the way, to you do the bump ugly? Really? How often and what's your favorite position? I see, that's nice ... and, by the way, what are my chances of getting in on this?"

Well, you can, but it causes problems. So there is this sort of unsatisfying conclusion to the game when you see a woman you'd LIKE to do it with, or one you'd like to fantasize doing it with, but you don't know if she actually even DOES it.

But, when you see a pregnant woman ... you know. You know she does it. Or that she actually did it at least once. That bulging belly represents the absolute knowledge that this woman spread her legs for a man and he shot off in her. For sure it happened. The evidence is obvious.

This is a woman "who does it!"

So men fantasize a lot about these women because it's positive that "she does it." And if she did it with the schmuck who knocked her up this time, who knows, she might actually do it with you some day.

Before I move on I have to say there are some folks out there who are saying "Hey! What about the M.I.L.F.S.? All those mothers did it didn't they? And we can fantasize about them doing it with us, right?" Sure, guys, but you don't KNOW they actually did it. What if they adopted? What if they abducted those cute kids they have? What if they bought them in Hong Kong? What if those kids belong to her sister?

With a pregnant woman ... you KNOW.

And, by the way, for that reader out there who, if I didn't say this in the blog, would have written, pointing out that the woman could have been artificially inseminated, like some lesbians do, and therefore might not have spread her legs for any man (so THERE! HAH!!): Listen up Pencil Dick ... artificial insemination is a myth, like that story that we sent those guys to the moon. It doesn't really exist. When they "artificially inseminate" a woman what they actually do is that they knock her out and the doctor, and all the interns, and the janitor and Uncle Bob all fuck the woman until there's sperm coming out of her ears. Then they wait to see if she gets pregant and charge her fifteen thousand dollars. OK? So don't write and tell me that that gorgeous, sexy woman with the swollen belly I'm looking at got that way without a hot steamy sexual act taking place. Don't be a jerk.

OK, now lets talk about the politically correct reason why most of us appreciate pregnant women.

They represent the future of the planet, and hope for that future. They represent happy couples, and excitement about the birth and fresh starts in life. They just make people feel good. Everybody is nice to pregnant women. Even biker dudes and gang bangers are nice to pregnant women. It's a rule. It's like the Intelligent Designer made this rule "You have to be nice to pregnant women!" Or maybe it's an evolution thing. We evolved to like round things that are soft, yet firm, because survival of the species depends on protection of pregnant women. For whatever reason, they make us feel happy. We're actually much happier than the pregnant woman herself. Especially around months eight and nine.

The only people who aren't nice to pregnant women are sociopaths, who should be killed in the first place. I mean why does society put up with anyone who will never become a functioning member of that society. But that's another rant. Back to the subject.

OK, now I want you to think back to the last newborn or nearly newborn baby you looked at, or held. It was cute, right? It doesn't matter what it's parents look like, as a baby it was cute. All babies are cute. It's another of those Intelligent Design rules. Or, maybe babies evolved that way so their mothers don't thrown them in the bog. I don't know why they're cute, but they are. EVERYBODY loves tiny little babies. They bring out hope in people. They are the future and they make us all feel good. Especially if they belong to someone else. We get to cuddle them and play with them and coo at them ... and then give them back to their mother when they cry or it's time for a diaper change.

So, remembering all of that, for people like me and a lot of readers out there who have what evil conservatives call a 'Pregnancy Fetish', which is anyone who gets off on pregnancy and sperm and eggs ........ we just celebrate the hopefulness of pregnancy a little sooner than those people who love babies. We find some special joy and pleasure in the creation of new life and the sexual act is the shrine at which we leave our offerings. It's not really kinky at all in that sense. It's the celebration of new life, and how that life is created.

Now I'll be the first to say that there are people on the planet who have no business being parents. We aren't all equipped to drive fully functional and armed tanks. We aren't all equipped to play professional volleyball. We aren't all equipped to be coroners. The list goes on and on. Why would anyone think that we're all equipped to be decent parents?

And I'll be the first to admit that an unplanned pregnancy can ruin a life. Or at least it can ruin a life that you let it ruin. If your plans are more important than the future of the planet, then don't have unprotected sex. That's for sure.

And, I'll be the first to suggest that staying in the shallow end of the gene pool with your sister or daughter or mother or whatever is not likely to convince people that you really are equipped to be a good parent.

But I'll also be the first to write a fantasy about all those situations we don't want to chance in real life, but which are hot to think about. And that's why I do it. I like hope, and bright futures, and happy children, and loving parents and all those other things we have such a hard time finding in real life. And I like hot steamy sex, which, by the way, the Intelligent Designer put there for the purpose of ... having babies.

So I put happy, healthy, successful eggs and sperm and pregnancies in my stories and a lot of readers out there celebrate new life with me.

And you know the best part of all this?

I always know which women in my stories "Do it" and I know it BEFORE their bellies bulge.

Thanks for your support.