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"Like a pro..."

October 10, 2012
Posted at 12:17 pm
Updated: October 10, 2012 - 12:23 pm

There's been quite the thread going on the forums about pet peeves where authors and readers talk about the technical errors that are introduced into writing. A lot of them have to do with homonyms and cross-cultural definitions. It's great fun.

I read a lot of stories. Not only on SOL, but commercial fiction, unpublished manuscripts, and even competition entries. The reason so much of it leaves me unfulfilled finally dawned on me (slow learner) and it's encapsulated in the phrase "like a pro." A common use would be "She'd never sucked cock before, but she took it down her throat like a pro." I've had some limited experience and have always found the completely amateur jobs were much more satisfying.

And let me tell you that "down her throat," "swallowed it all," "cleaned my cock," and other common uses are things a Pro would never do. She'd pull off the condom, tie it in a knot, and if you were lucky, hand you a washcloth. And that hooker who advertised BBBJ-CIM is not someone you'd want that close to the family jewels.

I know that our colloquial use of the phrase has nothing to do with the actual profession, but rather with our normal respect for those who are extremely talented at a job, sport, recreational activity. So talented they could be a professional. But the real problem in my view--and one that I confess to succumbing to on occasion--is the sudden transformation of the innocent who has no experience into the accomplished professional.

I think a lot of us, both men and women, enjoy the coming of age story in which two young lovers come together for the first time. Perhaps we are reliving our own squandered youth, or maybe even rewriting it. But that's where it falls apart for me. We seem to lose that sense of wonder in the rush to be accomplished lovers for whom everything goes well, orgasms are plentiful and simultaneous, and our lovers are accomplished at oral, vaginal, and anal penetration with orgasms that knock us unconscious.

What we lose in the rush is a sense of anticipation. We take the mind-control shortcut and turn the object of our quest into a perfect fantasy that will satisfy us in every way we can imagine. But as a result, the slave, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife...will never surprise us. You will be my perfect little slut because that is what I made you when I first stuck tab a into slot b, c, d, or more. My lovers never get the opportunity to wow me beyond my own imagination.

One author said to me recently, "Oh you like to tease yourself." Yes. Myself and my readers.