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"Love & Family" Chapter 5

May 3, 2012
Posted at 2:30 am
Updated: May 12, 2012 - 9:16 am

Well, it's a new chapter, and I must say that I'm really proud of this one, though I've learned to reserve judgement until I see how everyone else responds to it. (Note: there have been some comments that David's Ex, Linda, isn't very convincing in this chapter, so I'm looking into it).

This one is a nice contrast to the first chapter, where the initial sex scene was a bit off. There, it was awkwardly squeezed in between a lot of other occurrences, so there really wasn't the time or the space to set things up to naturally occur, so I felt it was an unfair showcasing of my talents in constructing a scene. And I got a fair amount of feedback about it as well. Several people complained about it, asking me whether the whole story would have been better without any sex in it at all.

But that initial sex scene was important in that it established the relationship between Alice and the adults, one that still is at play, and that will continue to be a central element of the story. But in this chapter, we see a much more nuanced love scene--unfortunately it's with the wrong person, but we won't mention that at the moment. Once again, I'm writing in response to other stories. I wanted to create a scene where this kind of thing could develop naturally, but it wasn't just a case of people falling into lust and never looking back. I figured it would take a lot of discussion, questioning and self-doubt, and I think that comes across fairly well.

Now, I'm sure certain individuals will have the same problems with this chapter that they had with my other story, "The Catalyst", in that the main love interest in the story gets the short end of the stick. She gets the hurried love scene or the quick gloss over, whereas the lesser character gets the full treatment. But what can I say besides "Guilty as charged". It's just how the story plays out. It's hard to orchestrate natural reactions, whereas it's easy to do it with awkward, uncomfortable ones.

So I'll be interested in seeing how everyone responds to this chapter. I'm assuming everyone saw this coming from a mile off, but hopefully you didn't see it unfolding in quite this manner. This is the kind of thing that I excel in, and while I'm terrible at a lot of things in writing, I seem to get the nuanced character down pretty well.