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My name and the unhappiness it causes

August 17, 2005
Posted at 8:58 pm
Updated: November 1, 2010 - 10:24 am

Author's note: At the time this blog entry was written, I used the pen name "Beating Off Bob." That pen name has been retired since then, for different reasons than discussed in this entry. But I thought the message in this entry was worth keeping, so I did.

Original entry follows:

I have received several messages from people who complain about my pen name. I can't see any other way to look at it. They say things like "I was put off by your name, but read one of your stories anyway..." and then they usually go on to say they liked the story.

And, this response has been received from pretty much equally men and women.

I wrote "Who The Hell Is Beating Off Bob" for this very reason ... to explain my philosophy of writing dirty stories, and to give a hint at WHY I write dirty stories. I also put something in my profile to do the same thing.

But I still get suggestions on what my name SHOULD be.

So I thought about this. I do not consider it a waste of time to think about things like this, seeing as how I don't have anything better to do with my spare time than write dirty stories and all.

And I think I have figured out what it's all about.

We like to be thrilled and titillated and think about taboo or just bad stuff. If you talked to a religious type person they'd say this is our sinful nature. They'd also tell us to STOP thinking about such things. You know ... JUST SAY NO! Or, in this application ... JUST THINK NOT!

We could get into a conversation about religion, but I don't think that would resolve anything. Suffice it to say that religion has a big impact on our society, whether you practice a religion or not.

Look at the kinds of stuff that sells: Sexy clothing, sex toys, internet porn, and Viagra or Cialis for men who can't get it up and appear in the commercials to only be about 32 or 33 at the most (and who, by the way, always seem to have a wife or partner who could get any man she wanted and wouldn't have to put up with a limp dick like him).

What else sells? Movie tickets about guys who carve up teenagers with a chain saw, umpteen versions of the vigilante who kills bad guys with impunity, movies with car crashes, movies with vampires, movies with explosions galore and, lately, movies where the terrorists not only die, but their cause fails too.

What else sells? Music about doing all kinds of unsavory things and about people who do unsavory deeds.

Now nobody ... OK, ALMOST nobody ... would suggest that we should REALLY go out and kill people, or blow up things, or crash cars while we chase bad guys.

On the other hand we'll pay good money to see the FANTASY of doing all those things, because we get off on it vicariously. We get to feel the feelings (what we THINK the feelings would be like) of doing those things, along with the hero in the movie, and its ... well it's just FUN ... a release of sorts.

And, while an argument can be made that watching such "garbage" can "make" somebody go out and copy what they saw, I'm not convinced. We've had a certain percentage of the population killing each other clear back to when you had to do it with a rock.

The OTHER argument for ALLOWING those fantasies to be played out on screen or in song is that it is quite possible that releaseing our inner tensions vicariously, while watching the FANTASY of it being done can actually be HEALTHY, in that it actually STOPS some of us from going out and doing it ourselves.

How many times have you heard a song and gone "THAT'S HOW I FEEL!" and then you DON'T go home and drive your truck into your cheating wife's house, or kill the guy who stole your woman, or wrecked your pickup or wrote you that ticket or something else? But most of us don't think it would be healthy to DO all ... most ... or even any of the things we see and hear about on the screen or over the airwaves.

Now I, personally, also don't think that it's healthy to take erectile dysfunction drugs when we don't really need them or put sexy clothing on eight year olds, OR KNOCK UP TEENAGERS AND SISTERS AND AUNTS AND COUSINS or do most of the things you read about in my stories.

But the release of FANTASIZING about it and maybe BEATING OFF instead of actually having a sexual encounter with your niece that would most likely ruin your relationship with her? I think that is definitely more on the side of healthy release than it is on the side of "This causes incest!"

Hence the name "Beating Off Bob"

They're stroke stories, folks. That's all they are.

Most of you have seen porn tapes. And when you do you know exactly what's going to happen. She bats her eyes at him and takes her clothes off. He bares his studly equipment. They go through the parts of the Kama Sutra that everybody knows about, for hours, and then he pulls out and shoots on her stomach, tits or back so you know it's 'Real".

They're stroke material.

But once you've seen one, you've pretty much seen them all except for the few that actually have a plot. The ones you actually want to buy have a plot.

So I try to write my stroke stories with a little plot thrown in so they're different enough that you don't get bored. Yes, they are similar to each other. How many different ways can you re-print the Kama Sutra? And yes somebody always gets pregnant. That's my own personal kink. But isn't pregnant better than mangled or dead?

But they're ALL just for beating off. Or maybe a little role play between consenting adults.

Now I told you I figured out why my name rubs people (no pun intended) the wrong way.

You see everybody in the whold WORLD masturbates. But, everybody in the whole world is also told that masturbation will:
a. Drive you insane
b. Give you venereal disease
c. Make hair grow on your palms (Yeah, I know, I looked at my palms too the first time I heard it.)
d. Make you go to Hell
e. Make your teeth fall out.
f. Make your hair fall out. (I never could understand how it could make hair grow on your palms and fall out everywhere else.)
g. [Place your scare tactic here.]

And why are we told all this? Because of religion. Remember how I told you religion affects our society? Even if you don't believe any of this stuff, some dim recess of your mind keeps telling you it's wrong.

I think people would rather admit they were raped in prison than admit that they masturbate.

So people hate my name, because my name is an admission that I do ... what everybody else in the world does.

And I write stories to help people do it.

So no, I'm not going to change my name.

When you read a B.O.B. story I WANT you to think of beating off.

But don't imagine me doing it. I'm old and fat and ugly. Oops. I just gave you too much information ... didn't I?