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March 1, 2012
Posted at 7:49 pm

Relative To Myself

Why am I posting a book about myself that uses a 3rd person character with a name completely different from mine?

Courage is number one. It feels a lot safer to make the story be about someone a little distant from me. It gives me a cushion that dulls some of the pain.

Second, being set back from the main character helps me to see more of the complete circumstances. Although I will never know exactly what others saw when they looked at me then, I can at least look at myself with adult eyes now and understand better why things were happening. At the time, I had no clue. I was pretty lost.

Third, I am no longer that person. Although the young me is part of the memory bits rattling around inside, I have an ever expansive bigger self that looks at life entirely differently now - I have changed in fundamental ways that are much more complex than merely growing up (Please read Indeterminate and The Long Road To Being Alright for some explanation of the more dramatic changes - just remember to NOT get hung up on the gender). For many years, I denied that part of me represented by Timmy had ever lived. Now I am setting it free and letting it go.

The part of Timmy I posted today breaks my heart. I am glad I can do it over again by re-envisioning what happened, and making it right.