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February 22, 2012
Posted at 11:47 pm

Life is Like Molasses

Real life is so much messier than the average story.

I keep finding myself wanting to push Timmy along at a faster rate. It would be so much neater, and more in keeping with similar survivor tales, to have Timmy grow up and follow the ever uphill path along a much faster and more succinct pattern. Alas, that's not the way it was.

Timmy moves erratically like a pinball machine's ball for a long time, before the net gain is forward. Even when he begins to get the idea of how to move toward sanity, he slides back one and a half feet for every two feet of progress. He doesn't reach the edge of the fog all at once, instead the fog ever so slightly gets thinner and thinner over a long night of darkness. Although I've set up the first part of the story, Timmy, over just one summer, in real life it took six years to get through the actual events in that one book.

I find as I write Timmy 2, I begin to insert helpful adults that either didn't really exist at all, or who were actually much less helpful than they are turning out to be in the story. Timmy 2 thus begins to deviate from actual history. In real life, Timmy pretty much pulled himself up by his own bootstraps, never trusting anyone enough to put his faith into them. Making the healing more obvious and occurring with adult love and guidance, I suppose, is my own brand of wish fulfillment, a type of story telling that is especially popular here at SOL. Maybe it's ok to re-write my own story the way I wish it had gone, a form of re-parenting myself. Someday there will have to be a prequel - I never do say what caused Timmy to be where he is at the start of the story.

There IS progress in Book 1 of Timmy that I am posting now. There is the promise of love and self-acceptance that begins to emerge as Timmy pingpongs back and forth. It's hard to believe he has a chance of surviving and thriving until near the very end. So many kids don't. When I go online and search for the people that I hung out with, their names are no where, with the exception of one obituary. True these were pre-web days, but they were young then, and there should be some mention of them as they aged. There is none, they are all gone. I might have been the only one to make it out alive. There but for Grace, go I.