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February 18, 2012
Posted at 11:18 pm

What Is Truth?

I'm sorry, I can't answer the larger question. Everyone wants to have an ultimate TRUTH, but there isn't one. There are many - there exists one set of truths for each being that perceives the world. You have a truth that is your own, and it changes over time. What do you know to be most true about the Universe right here, right now? If your truth is that rape, or coercion, or violence, or killing is ok without a severe situation requiring radical self defense, then I don't want to hear your justification about it. It's your truth, though, I can't take that away from you, although society may prevent you from living your beliefs if you act them out (or even reward you).

What about the smaller idea of truth? I can talk about what is true in my stories, if I define truth as, "what I actually believe factually happened." Timmy, The Long Road To Being Alright, and Indeterminate are based in fact. Nearly all of the larger episodes, and most of the smaller, really did happen to me. Some, a few, happened to someone else, but the events deeply impacted me and changed me when I heard about them or had to deal with their aftermath, so I incorporated them into my own story. Only one nasty happening was made up entirely out of whole cloth in order to set the stage without dredging up a myriad of historical stuff - it was simply easier to condense an early life of hell with its self destructive conditioning into one short brutal page illustrating the path that led to such extreme self hatred.

All of the rest of the surrounding elements, the little things, have been crafted to support the larger events. Some are true, some are not, and I have shaped them however best to hold the large events together in a wider story. They are all true in essence, but perhaps not in exactly how I laid the words out end to end in their sentences. Any historical fiction, which is what these particular stories more or less are, does the same, because no one was there transcribing the conversations and recording the stops on the way home to buy bread, not even me, and I lived these events! I remember many details, and they have been emplaced here, but I filled in much that is only true by guessing what must have been. Memory is a chancy thing at best.
In fact, what I lived through then was actually worse than what I have depicted. I have cleaned up a lot of it because it just gets redundant. It took me a LONG time to pull myself together given the deficits I started with. The good news is that we know the story had a happy ending. I'm here now and my life is really good, amazingly good. Somehow, it seems important to make a record before my life ends and what I have gained by my own guts and strength of will is gone forever.
ONE LAST CONFESSION (for today)!! I began by thinking the part of the story making up Timmy's tale started in 1976, but the more I think about it, I am off by a few years. I now believe, given landmark happenings such as graduation from elementary school, etc, that Timmy's timeline is the summer of 1973 and onward. I am accordingly going to edit the posted chapters to reflect the more accurate portrayal of dates. Oh, and if there seems to be a disconnection between these stories, think of Timmy as very, very roughly happening between Karen and Blair in The Long Road To Being Alright, and don't get hung up on the gender of the characters. Thank you for your patience.