I got an email I'll share, but I want to tell everyone, as I told the guy who emailed me, I'm just the author. Don't confuse me with the characters in my stories. I appreciate the interest in my person, but it's misplaced. I'm not posting porn out of any desire to become intimate with readers or share a lot of personal details and secrets with anyone. Online friendships are different than reality, but not so much in the sense that they require time, trust, and respect. In any event, I am utterly and completely disinterested in attention beyond that any author expects and deserves from her audience.
Okay? Thanks, I knew you guys would get it. :)
Subject: RE: great stories - - JPJ
tell me about yourself
height 5'4" on my tip-toes
weight right now? less than 100 pounds
bra size I grew up in the Midwest, as some people know, and as a teenage girl active in 4-H, I had the opportunity to visit a real dairy farm. Unfortunately, I had a, uh...incident, let's call it, with a milking machine. My left breast is a 32B, but my right breast is a 32DD and it's rather embarrassing. I don't want to talk about it.
panty size who says I wear panties?
hair color I don't actually have very much hair, but right now I'm wearing an excellent fedora hat. It's a mustard color and just a little too big for my head (hard to believe, eh?) because I bought it when I had hair. I also have a very awesome collection of authentic Mexican bandanas, including one with a likeness of Che Guevarra, although he wasn't Mexican and could actually be labeled a mass murderer, but still...I like having his face looking towards heaven. My favorite, however, is actually a Hermes silk scarf that my husband bought me in a Tartan pattern. It reminds me of the only Scottish joke I know: Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper coming down a mile away.
eye color Brown
biggest fantasy Jesus and Mohammed having oral sex with each other at a news conference.
turn ons In order? My dog, my husband when teases me (I hate that! I love that!), Brad Pitt's naked butt, work, thinking about Brad Pitt's naked butt at work while my husband teases me over the phone about my dog
turn off Being objectified just because I happen to think writing porn is funny
last time you had sex That's a complicated question...If I have the sort of sex that I think of as sex, I'll break and probably die.
last time you masturbated and what you were thinking about I honestly don't remember. Twenty minutes ago? I was thinking about a Snicker's Bar. I'm kinda hungry.
LETS HAVE SOME FUN (the guy closed his email with that, but...Isn't that why I spent all those hours writing stories? So we could have some fun?)
Someone asked me for a list and so I thought I'd make this available to everyone:
Stories (to date) in Chronological Order:
South of Eden
The Cheating Groom
Breakfast in Paris
Sandy's Evil Plan
And that's it. I know this wasn't especially clever or funny. I'm a little under the weather and I'll tell you, once a long story (or a bunch of little ones hastily penned) is finished, I tend to get real euphoric for a day and then I tend to crash emotionally for a couple days, and then I write something else.
I think that's fairly normal for people, but maybe not. I only know it's true and I live for the euphoria, you know? So I'll probably write more stories at a future date. Thanks for all the emails and I hope you all have a great holiday season and get laid on New Years Eve. That would make the world a better place, right?
ps - I answered most of the questions as truthfully as possible, but a couple of them...Well, you don't really believe my eyes are brown, do you? That would be ridiculous!