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3.9 with a bullet! - You guys crack me up :)))

November 9, 2011
Posted at 9:39 pm
Updated: November 9, 2011 - 9:45 pm

SOL readers are idiots...Present company excluded, of course.

Just Plain Jane

Blog n Stuff - The Rabbit in my Hat

Hi! The Just Plain Jane stories were invented by yours truly on a sunny day in early November. I was contemplating the very extensive collection of "Slut Wife" stories in the erotica section of my favorite bookstore when it occured to me, "Hey! Where are all the slut husband stories?" Of course, slut husband is an oxymoron as husbands are men by definition, and most of them have a penis and/or balls, and are therefore sluts.

Being a proactive product of the post-Women's Lib Generation Y-Me? I decided to do something about it. I'm sure some people have heard of "Just Plain Bob" and have perhaps read some of his stories, most of which feature a slut wife in the starring role. He's got 633 stories on SOL and has probably posted 10 more in the time it's taken me to write this sentence. I stumbled upon the brilliant idea of riding his coat tails as "Just Plain Jane", and not only because it would put me hard on his heels in the SOL author directory, but also because the main character's voice would be that of a plain Jane. A woman who suffers the guilt and shame of being ordinary in the fictional world of pornography. Is there any greater sin? Men have been doing it for years. Small dicked husbands being cuckolded by studs of mythic proportion and God-like sexual prowess is a staple of online erotica; women, not so much.

I needed a female version of the lack-luster Willie Loman to suffer the fatal attraction of a woman at once repelled and aroused by her husband's infidelity. Since most women do not have dicks, even itty-bitty ones, and the average man will consume 14.7 females during his lifetime with little regard for their physical attributes, other than wishing they looked like someone else, I have been forced to rely on the age old storytelling device of "True Love" and hope Jane can sell it to a largely male audience. Being a woman myself, I know that "True Love" was invented on a Tuesday back in ancient Greece by a hottie named Athena (no relation to the deity) to explain to her mother why she stayed with a man who spent most of his time drinking wine and wrestling naked with teenage boys. The real reason, unfortunately, has been lost to the passage of time, but you get the point.

And so, that's how and why Just Plain Jane was created. The next question was one of format. I decided from the beginning, before ever setting pen to paper, that I would dedicate all of her stories to a single universe populated by a specific cast of characters. I didn't want to write a novel, but a series of chapters that can be read in any order, or arranged in a chronological sequence and actually form a novel, if one were sufficiently anal about it. That, however, would be purely incidental to the process. I'm writing stand-alone stories as the urge takes me. Whatever idea I might have, regardless of where and when it may occur in Jane's life, can and will be written, and subsequently posted.

This presents unique difficulties as I do not take notes. I depend upon me gulliver to remember all the intimate details of each character and events as related previously to the reader. Needless to say, I'm going to make mistakes. I carefully considered that over a cup of coffee and a Hershey's bar, with almonds, and quickly came to the conclusion that a little mistake never hurt anyone except France. Consistancy, or as we called it back at Paramount, continuity, is not something I plan to lose a lot of sleep over. It's sufficient that I've thought about it, weighed the pros and cons, and blew it off with a shrug. I'll probably regret that later when I'm proofing for Billy Wilder in Hell. That's the fate of all careless authors because God hates to see talent wasted. He hates those kids shoes with squeakers in them, too.

The important thing to remember is that my goal isn't to achieve world peace, solve world hunger, or win a Nobel Prize in Physics. All of those things are impossible for one little old me. What I want to do here is write pornography. Heck, I don't even need a condom for that. Safe sex is a no brainer! I just made that up, and either I'm really drunk or it's kinda funny.

Is there anything else I want to say? Let's knock out the blogs for the first five stories:

JPJ01 - The Slutty Groom

This was the first story, obviously, and so it's kind of uneven. I had to feel my way into Jane's head and figure out where she was coming from. The story does its job and I think it sets a good tone, but it's hard to really flesh out a character in less than 5000 words. This is probably the weakest of the Plain Jane Stories so far and it took about 3 hours to write.

JPJ02 - Popular Science

I wrote this in the afternoon, after writing The Slutty Groom that morning, and it was originally supposed to be all about Jilly, the youngest sister, and how she seduces Robert. It soon became clear to me that it was working better as a vehicle to bring Janey and Robert together. I needed to get my head around their initial meeting and why a teenage Adonis would fall in love with a plain Jane, so it worked out well that way. Again, I was still feeling my way through the characters and I think it has a bit more humor in it than any of the other stories, so far.

JPJ03 - Initiation Gang-Bang

The very next day, early in the morning, I started writing this story. Mostly because I wanted to continue moving around and catch Janey in various stages of her life. So I wanted to visit her in college and I kept looking for ways to transpose the classic male and female roles as they're portrayed in erotica. A lot of slut wife stories have the big gang-bang scene and I thought it would be cute if the girls could pull a train on Robert. I suppose it is a little far fetched in many, many ways, but I think it's fun, too. I gave serious thought to the lesbian aspect of the story. Did I want to go there or not. A lot of cuckold husband stories have the poor man eating his wife's lover's sperm from her pussy, or sometimes getting it straight from the tap, but I decided a creampie sort of scene would be in keeping. The hard part is preventing Jane from becoming too submissive.

JPJ04 - Good Therapy

Did I say too submissive? I went back and forth in this story over the SLAP! that Janey gets. Should it be there or shouldn't it? Is she too subbie or not. It's a hard call and I went with hypnotism, a little mind control here, although I'm not very good with that as a plot device. I admire authors who are and I enjoy their work, but I have a devil of a time emulating them. I tried to do it and I think it's okay. The hardest part was looking for an ending. I really wanted a cute hook at the end, something surprising and fun. I think I found it and I like this episode a lot. Probably because I just finished writing it. Tomorrow I will write a new one and I'm thinking "Mile High Club" for some reason.

JPJ05 - Breakfast in Paris

Well, I intended to write about flight attendants, but as soon as I threw Paris Hilton into the mix, she pretty much pushed everyone else aside. As you might expect, anytime Paris appears, things get silly. I took a break half-way through the chapter and contemplated trashing it, washing my hands, and starting something new. Alas, I'm not that motivated and I suppose pushing the limits of sense and sensibility is sometimes necessary when writing slut husband stories. Or maybe not. Either way, this story is what it is. I took the opportunity to think about other episodes and dropped the obligatory teasers like incendiary bombs on Dresden. So...Yeah.

Bonus! JPJ06 - Peeping Mom

I just finished this and proofed it about 8 minutes ago, so I thought I'd include it in this blog note. I thought I'd go ahead and see what the future holds for Janey. I have a lot of ideas and I'm sort of in a rush to get them down before I forget them. Like the other stories, this was written without a plan or plot, there's a lot of background and mostly I just want to keep opening up the possibilities. I also wanted to get away from the silliness of Paris Hilton, sort of cleansing my porn sensibilities with some old fashioned family fun in the Phil Phantom tradition.

There it is. My first blog entry and the little notes about the first four stories. Thank you for listening. I'll be doing a podcast on December 5th, 9pm EST at Live. com...but not about these stories! Sorry, that's false advertising. But if you listen in, you'll learn something new. I promise.

Just Plain Jane