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February 15, 2011
Posted at 8:49 pm

I think it's time to get laid

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I love Freddie and he's a great lover and he's in great shape but he's 63 years old and not only is he the only guy I've ever had intercourse with, he's the only guy I've ever done anything with. And his wife is usually there to boot. I know, it's weird but it works for me.

I've been doing a lot of good work with my behavior modification shrink and there was that woman in the back seat of her SUV some months back and I get a lot of encouragement from all my friends on SOL and my fantasies (besides the dark ones) have involved feeling and touching and sucking and jerking and even fucking and if I can do it with Freddie, I think it's time to try it with someone else.

OK, I froze up with that poor bastard in that Hard Rock hotel room last year but I wasn't ready. Maybe I'm ready now. OK, it doesn't have to be intercourse right away. Maybe we could just make out and feel each other up. Gotta start somewhere, right?

Look: This no touching shit has to end someday. And I'd like it to be with someone close to my age but he's probably going to want to fuck me. Every boy I meet in the clubs wants to fuck me. Maybe I could give him a hand job. Christ, I've watched enough men giving themselves hand jobs...I'm sure I know how. So if I get him off he won't be upset if I don't fuck him on the first date, right? Shit, I don't know the dating rules!

I'll give you this about my no touching issue: things are pretty simple. And if I do this, it's going to open Pandora's box. Or would that be Chandra's box? Either way, if I go through with this my life is about to change.

One of my tennis practice partners from the men's team asked me if I wanted to play this weekend. I see the way he looks at me, so I know it's not just tennis he wants to play. And I'm impressed that he's not intimidated by me, so I'm thinking maybe I'll say yes. Ohh fuck, what am I getting myself into?

Love, tennis and sex?

PS...Something else to worry about: Till now Freddie has had an exclusive, so I'm going to have to figure out how to manage his ego.