Lubrican: Blog

Back to Lubrican's Blog

What have I done?!?

August 3, 2010
Posted at 9:28 am
Updated: August 3, 2010 - 9:46 am

A little background for those of you who haven't read the first two chapters of the new story I'm posting, which is called "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." In those first two chapters, one of the primary characters, conicidentally named Bobby, summarized the plot of Moby Dick for his sister. Since a summary is, by definition, short and complete, I endeavored to be brief, but thorough in it.

You may now move on to the apology provided below.

It is with heavy heart that I appear before my valued readers, for truly I may have done a terrible wrong. I got an anonymous email about it. Here it is.

On the one hand I think it is only fair that you
should indicate to your readers that you're going
to give away the plot to Moby Dick.

On the other hand, Moby Dick is one of the worst
books I have ever tried to read. So if by giving
away the plot to your readers it means that they
will choose to not read it (since they now know
what's going to happen), you've probably done them
a favor.

Would but I had thought of the possibility that I was ruining the reading of a great American classic for the thousands ... well maybe hundreds ... dare I hope tens? of unsuspecting, trusting readers who have Mr. Melville's wonderfully rich story sitting on the nightstand, ready to crack open and savor.

I am abject in my apology, groveling on the floor, seeking your forgiveness as I reach up to type each letter with one finger ... searching for the keys by the Braille method, and then peeking to see if I found the right one.

To those whose day ... month ... year ... nay even decade I have so thoughtlessly ruined, rest assured that I will punish my miserable, vile and wretched personage by forcing myself to drink the entire quarter bottle of single malt Scotch I have left in the pantry. Yes, I will hazard possible alcohol poisoning in recompense for my transgression.

And, on the off chance that I am so lucky that the second portion of this alert reader's comment may be true ...

Next time I'll summarize War And Peace.

Thanks for your forgiveness,