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B.O.B. tries (sadly) to say thanks

August 6, 2009
Posted at 10:59 am

I'm passing along this little note from Beating Off Bob, though why any of you would want to know what he thinks about anything is beyond me. But he asked me to, and I'm a sucker for a whining misfit who begs while crying big crocodile tears, so, here it is.

By the way, this apparently pertains to Beating Off Bob's Guide To Writing Really Bad Erotica. If you were wise enough to skip right over that little plum, then you can probably skip right over this one too because, in true B.O.B. style, it won't make any sense at all.

Hi naybors!!!! Beating Off Bob, heer, and Eye've got sumthing to say!!!!!!!

Eye wood say Im overwhelmed bi the respons 2 my guide on riting reeeeally bad porn (somebody wrote and informed me I don't write erotica, since that involves love and romance of a culturally acceptible nature - I apparently write porn instead) butt thee fact is Im simply whelmed, rather than overwhelmed.

Eye got so many correkshuns about plots eye left out, and, other, stuff, too, like, about, how, there, just, can't, be, too, many, commas, since, if, you, put, lots, of, them, in, nobody, can, accuse, you, of, leaving, one, out, where, it, was, needed, and eye even got complimented, two whole times!!!!!!!!! but anyway what eye meant to say and was getting around to saying, but had to pause to say something else first, which is ok because Im going 2 say it now because eye know youre waiting with bated breth 2 heer what Im going 2 say, is that eye got so much new informashun and ideas from youse readers that it's almost ninety-nine percent shure that Im really likely to feel like its/it's mostly important to make it a priority 2 come out with volume too, I meen 2 of the guide to writing really bad porn.

So Im wurking on that.

Eye'll beg and whine Bob to let me post it whenever its/it's dun. Eye don't know when that will be, cause eye have a whole bunch uf other importunt stuff to do 2.

Like jerk off.

In fact eye think eye'll go do that rite now.

But dont wurry. Eye wont beat off to porn. Eye have class, u, know. I'm gonna do it to Lady Chatterley's Lover. Eye can reely get into that one, cause Eye'm a wurking class kind of guy and eye know millions of hi class laydys wood luv to have my coke can sized twelve incher stuffed in their girly parts.

Thank U 4 ur leters.