Sometimes I get the most fascinating mail.
C.L.Evers wrote to me the other day, reflecting on a couple of my older blog entries in which I explored the multitude of names we who speak English have come up with for our girly/boy parts and the act of masturbation. I did a bunch of research on it for what was intended to be a humor piece called "A Treatise on Masturbation." If you haven't read it, (because the title sounded so stuffy, perhaps) you should. It will make what follows more compelling.
While it was couched in humor, there was a point to that treatise as well. "Masturbate," as it turns out, just wasn't colorful enough to describe the activity. So people have colored it up a bit, so to speak. In fact, if all the different terms for the word "masturbate" were buds on a plant, it would take over the whole front yard.
Anyway, Mr. Evers, a distinguished and valuable gentleman, suggested that I should also research the terms and etymology of the terms we use for "ejaculate."
He quoted some of my own, from what he fondly called "my early pud pullers."
Uncle Bob's patented baby-makers
Then he mentioned some more that are more commonly used in the genre of erotic writing.
Jism, or Jizz is a term he says "may have its roots in Africa. Slaves brought it to America and it came into use in whorehouses in the South, once they were freed. That word also gave us Jass, or Jazz, from the kind of music played in whorehouses, music whose rhythms were meant to match the rhythms of intercourse, and to enhance the sexual excitement."
I don't know if he's right on that or not. I thought "Jazz" evolved much later than that, but who wants to quibble with such a fascinating theory?
Sperm (which of course isn't totally accurate since sperm's a component of semen but isn't more than a fraction of a man's output)
Of course C.L. is an artist too, so he came up with some of his own. They are inventive, and I like them.
Cream of Baby Soup
I particularly like Cream of Baby Soup and People pudding, myself.
The point of all this is that C.L. believes (and I agree with him) that we need as many colorful, evocative terms as there can be for describing this component of the sex act, so we can avoid the repetition that deprives words of their impact. After all, erotic writing is supposed to impact the reader on a deep and personal level.
He hoped I might be willing to seek out what is likely to be a plenitude of un-heralded words and phrases to be discovered. It might even lighten the load imposed on the more common expressions, assuming any other authors ever see this blog entry. (grin)
Anyway, seeing as how the most inventive people I know are my readers, I thought I'd just throw open the door and yell "C'mon in, folks!" I'll just make a list, starting with what C.L. has so graciously supplied - the SEED of this blog entry, if you will (sorry ... couldn't resist) - and I'll add to it whatever you send me.
The only thing I ask is that you specify whether what you send is something you actually saw or heard somewhere, or your own invention. Your own inventions are fine, by the way. I don't have a problem with that at all. Every word in the language was invented at one time or another and the Chinese have us beat all to hell, both in the alphabet and in their vocabulary. If we're going to fuss and fume over something, let it be about who has the most colorful and descriptive vocabulary. I mean that battle might actually improve the world, you know?
Now I'm off to see what the net has to offer. I look forward to your contributions.
The internet search:
Nick Gaudio, a "staff writer" I found on the internet, came up with the following words for "ejaculate" in his "Male Finishing School" entry, which can be found at http://www.pointsincase.com/columns/nick/3-29-06.htm
It's pretty funny, by the way.
Skeet - which he says probably developed from the shooting sport, and has to do with the shotgun approach of covering a woman's face.
Bill Clinton's Calling Card - self explanatory. This one is customizable. I mean you could have Jesse Jackson's Calling Card, or Hugh Hefner's Calling Card, for example, tailoring it to the conversation or story in which it's being used.
Cocknog - which he says tastes good with white rum and cinnamon, a little tidbit that might be interesting to you women out there.
Baby Batter - self explanatory (and one I overused in my earlier writings. Sorry)
Jizzum - with a different explanation than what C.L. sent me. Something to do with a kazoo lying on an ejaculating penis.
The Creamy Filling
Cum - which should have been mentioned much earlier. His explanation of it is different than mine. I think it comes from the educational title of "Summa Cum Loudly" as indicated by the yells sometimes associated with its release. Women invented this term, to share with each other so that they would all know which men were really good in bed, but also too loud during sex, and might draw the unwanted attention of the inebriated boyfriend/husband in the next room during parties. An example of is use might be "Harriet, be careful with that one. He's summa cum loudly."
Other internet sources revealed:
Bust a nut - how did we miss that one?
Show your O face - the "O" stands for orgasm, in case you were wondering. That had to have been invented by a Yuppy.
There was one place where the precursor of ejaculate, commonly called pre-cum was discussed. The slang for that was listed as:
Dog Water (?)
Speed drop - I get that one
Widower's tears - now that's just sad. Kind of makes you want to go find a widower and cheer him up. If you're a woman, I mean. I don't swing that way myself. Maybe the National Organization of Women could sponsor a new holiday - "Cheer Up a Widower Day."
You learn something every day. Lots of people have heard of the term "menarche" which means the first occurrence of menstruation in a woman. Did you know there's a term for the guys too? It's called Spermarche, from the Greek word "Sperma" or seed, and it means the first time a male ejaculates sperm in his semen. Menarche makes a girl a woman, and Spermarche makes a boy a man. How about that?!
In the international category, we have the British (also credited to the Canadians) "Shoot your duff" which is not explained. Then there's Baby Gravy and Baby Bullion, as well as Baby Burp. That one was followed with "Pregger Puke" and I quit reading. Sorry.
3 Oct 08: C.L. Evers wrote back with a lovely substitute for "pre-cum" which he characterizes as vulgar. He prefers "a pearly drop of appreciation."
Now that's classy.
16 Oct 08
Nigel, AKA "zoltantheduck" sent me what he called "A couple more for your lexicon of ejactology."
I kind of like that word - Ejactology. I may shamelessly steal it for a story some day. Anyway, since nobody in America is named Nigel, we appear to have become global in our search for words to put into the lexicon of ejactology. I'm guessing his offerings are from the United Kindom, whose denizens are known for their colorful descriptive terms for things sexual, such as snog, shag, knickers and the ever pouplar arse. Come to think of it, people in New Jersey say arse too, so maybe that one isn't that odd. I digress.
Choad - used by a staff writer in one of our local weekly titty mags.
They have local weekly titty mags?! And we wanted independence from them?!
Spoof - common slang term, note the oo is sounded the same as the oo in book, not as sounded in boo.
This is another example of why the English language drives ESL teachers ... and their students ... crazy.
Since this is becoming a dictionary of sorts, I'll start using your terms in a sentence.
"Spoof me, Baby! Get a pic of your choad on my titties for next week's edition."
6 Nov 08
Merle, one of my married readers, reported that he and his wife use the following terms: Pecker snot and nut butter.
He pointed out that nut nectar had already been used, and had better alliteration (one MUST try to retain alliteration when whispering sweet nothings to one's lover) but that "butter" is more descriptive.
I think he was right about that, because the first thing that popped into my mind was that commercial where there's a pair of female hands, and male hands, spreading butter on things. It's very intimate and the couple in the commercial are obviously very much in love as they talk about that. Then I heard the words in my head that every man dreams of hearing someday as he's getting the mother of all blow jobs:
"I can't BELIEVE it's not butter!"
As for pecker snot (which could also be called cock snot, which ... um ... flows better off the tongue, so to speak,) all I can say is that you've never felt anything like a woman sneezing while she has your pecker in her mouth. That 130 mph gust of breath will get you there, my friends. Trust me. You might need a couple of Kleenexes to deal with the results, though.