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June 27, 2008
Posted at 12:36 pm
Updated: August 19, 2008 - 3:54 pm

Fantasy Fuckups

I got some mail, a while back, from a man who shall remain nameless. Basically, he said that after 30 years of marriage, he had a housemate, rather than a wife, and that my stories helped. What he said is: "Your stories give me a full and satisfying fantasy world where I can experience those things denied me in real life."

I've said it before, but it now bears saying again. That's why I write these stories. As fantasies, they allow the reader to submerge him or herself in them to whatever degree is comfortable, and meet whatever need is there that real life is maybe neglecting a bit.

That reader who wrote to me touched on something that I think is really important. There are a lot of people out there who don't have a full and satisfying actual sex life. For some of them it's a lapsing relationship. For some it's erectile dysfunction. For some it's a yen to do something their partner won't do. And for some it's that they just don't have a partner or the likelihood they'll get one. And I really believe that fantasy has a role in helping people like that cope. It's helped ME cope, and I'm not all that different than any of you.

If you've been married for 30 years (or even 10 years!) you know how a relationship can change. There's nothing wrong with that. People evolve all their lives, so it's impossible for the woman you married ten or twenty or thirty years ago to be the same woman now. And, based on talking to lots of you, I think it's pretty normal for things to slow down after 30 years anyway.

But that doesn't mean you don't get horny any more. And tossing that relationship on the hope that you could find a better one isn't the answer. Think of the work, pain and frustration it would be to submerge yourself in the dating pool again. And the difficulty in finding a partner who meets your specific needs, physically and emotionally is horrifying. Even if you did ... she'd change by next month.

So why this blog entry at this particular point in time?

Well, "Time" - the magazine - as it turns out, has published an article recently, and the story even made national news. You may have heard about it already. Here's an extract from the Time article:

"As summer vacation begins, 17 girls at Gloucester High School are expecting babies-more than four times the number of pregnancies the 1,200-student school had last year. Some adults dismissed the statistic as a blip. Others blamed hit movies like Juno and Knocked Up for glamorizing young unwed mothers. But principal Joseph Sullivan knows at least part of the reason there's been such a spike in teen pregnancies in this Massachusetts fishing town. School officials started looking into the matter as early as October after an unusual number of girls began filing into the school clinic to find out if they were pregnant. By May, several students had returned multiple times to get pregnancy tests, and on hearing the results, "some girls seemed more upset when they weren't pregnant than when they were," Sullivan says. All it took was a few simple questions before nearly half the expecting students, none older than 16, confessed to making a pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together. Then the story got worse. "We found out one of the fathers is a 24-year-old homeless guy," the principal says, shaking his head."

Now school officials deny that the pact resulted from the two movies mentioned, since the girls got pregnant before those films were released. But guess who just had a baby at age seventeen? Jamie Lynn Spears did. That's who. And who do all those teenaged girls out there want to be like? Well ... OK, it's probably Hanna Montana, more than Jamie Lynn Spears, but you get my point. And Miley Cyrus just recently did a "nude" photo shoot anyway, so maybe she counts after all.

The point is that I'm fully aware that I write fantasies about situations in which very young women have babies, most of them with older men. And I'm aware that, while I write for an adult audience, there are young people out there who probably sneak a peek at my stuff.

In fact, let me just speak to you young people for a minute.

The reason I don't WANT you young people reading my stuff is because the part of your brain that is used in rationalization - figuring out complex issues - isn't fully grown until around age twenty, depending on which egghead you talk to. It's not that you're stupid. It's just that not all the machine is working properly because some parts are missing.

Think of it like a four year old, trying to play catch. You toss him the ball ... it hits him in the face ... and he cries. It's not because he's stupid. It's because his muscles and reflexes haven't matured enough to handle that activity.

The reason you teenagers don't have a full and satisfying sexual life is because YOU AREN'T READY FOR IT YET. Why do you think you break up with your boy/girlfriend so often? It's because you have no idea what you actually want from another person. It feels good in the beginning, so you go with it, only to find out later that the other person has flaws you can't live with. Then you do it all over again. It's just like that four year old with the ball. You get hit in the face, and cry, and then try again. Eventually, you catch the ball. And eventually, you'll find someone to love for a long long time ... while they change into another person.

See how complicated it is?

OK, back to the adults now. You youngsters who aren't supposed to be reading this can tag along, just this once.

One of the reasons these girls gave for deciding to get pregnant was because they think a baby would love them unconditionally.

Let's look at that for just a minute. Never mind that babies don't love anybody when they're first born. I have three kids and, just maybe, somewhere along the way, they decided to love me unconditionally. But I don't remember when it was, and I know FOR SURE that it wasn't in the first five to eight years of their lives. I'm sure those teenaged girls would believe that if the baby was sucking a nipple, and not crying, and 'smiling' (probably from gas) that they'd interpret that as "unconditional love" coming from their baby.

The sad part is that these girls all have parents ... and yet they don't feel like they have any unconditional love in their lives.

That's fucked up, people. You don't have babies to GET unconditional love ... you have them to GIVE THEM unconditional love. And I'm not talking about sexual love here. Your JOB as a parent is to give your children what they need to grow and prosper and be as well adjusted as anyone can be in this society. And I'm willing to stick my neck out here and suggest that, if you've done your job ... your daughter won't go out and get intentionally knocked up by a homeless guy so she can get some unconditional love. And don't give me any horse shit about being too busy to love your children. It's your job. It calls for sacrifices and not just when it's convienient to sacrifice for them.

Now, lest you think I went off on a tangent there, and that that tangent has nothing to do with fantasy, let me sum up by saying that expecting unconditional love from a baby is fantasy. And expecting your daughter to make reasonably intelligent decisions when she doesn't HAVE any unconditional love in her life ... well that's fantasy too, more than likely. Thinking you can have children and , as long as you have lots of money they'll grow up just fine, or that you won't have to sacrifice anything to raise them properly is fantasy too.

So there's a lot of fantasy at play in this situation.

Sometimes, like that 24 year old homeless guy who knocked up one or more teenaged girls in Massachusetts because "they asked him to", you might not have your head screwed on quite right. You might be thinking that it can happen like it does in one of the stories ... that the fantasy can come true and work out well, like it does in the story.

Is that possible?

The answer is Kelly Pickler. If by some crazy chance you don't know who she is, she won American Idol a while back. Out of millions and millions of women who wanted a fantasy to come true, hers did. She's a star. She has a singing career. But she's one out of millions and millions, and the only reason she became a star is because some random bright mind at NBC or wherever said "Hey, I have this idea of how to put on a show that won't cost much, but might get a big audience." And some other TV executive said "Why not? Can't hurt, and if the fucking writers strike on us while it's running ... who cares!?" And then, purely by chance, Kelly Pickler got a shot at her fantasy.

So yes ... it's POSSIBLE for your fantasy to come true. But don't fucking count on it. That 24 year old homeless guy was living a fantasy there for ten minutes at a stretch, while he had wild, unbridled sex with girls who were incapable of rational thought. And, come to think of it, he's not going to be homeless much longer. He's going to have his own room, and three meals a day, courtesy of all of you out there who pay taxes. He might get a whole bunch of free prostate exams too, though I don't know how good "Bubba" is at determining how enlarged a prostate is with the tip of his cock.

And these seventeen girls who made the pact to get knocked up and raise their babies together are trying to live a fantasy that isn't going to work either. Nobody's going to let them form a commune to raise their babies together. They've already proved they can't think rationally or sensibly. And, what might be worse is that they stand a very real chance of ruining a new and precious life. Sooner, rather than later, they're going to realize how shitty it can be to be sixteen and have to sacrifice almost everything you want, to take care of a little human that pees or shits or cries every twelve to eighteen minutes. And when they lose interest in that precious life, they'll begin to neglect it, when they can. Just like they were probably neglected, seeing as how they don't feel like anybody loves them.

So ... after all that ... here's the point of this blog entry. Please remember, like that reader who started this whole ball of wax rolling around in my head, that fantasy can enhance your life, as long as you firmly separate it from reality.

That's not to say it can't affect your life. What fantasy CAN do for you is put you in a little bet better mood, or get you feeling romantic, or take the edge off after a rough day, while you masturbate like a frenzied monkey, if that's what helps. It might be able to help you cope with a less than fulfilling actual sex life, sometimes. Whatever it does for you, take it from there and transpose some of those good feelings into a real live relationship with another real live human being. Love somebody uncondionally ... even if it's the partner who you married, and who changed into someone who's less exciting.

You worked hard to grow those last few brain cells that gave you the ability to think rationally. Using that rational ability to moderate your responses to fantasy is what will help you cope with the stresses of real life.
As always, thanks for reading.

Unless you're underage, in which case you need to close this window pronto and go outside to get some exercise.