Several of you have written and asked me things like "How do you come up with this stuff?" Well, this blog entry, in combination with a story I wrote, might just answer that.
I wrote what appears below, and then floated it to a couple of my trusted and loyal readers, just to see if they thought it might be postable as a story with the code "no sex". The thing I like best about my trusted and loyal readers is that they tell me the truth. Several of them said "Interesting, but I'd feel ripped off if I clicked on it, thinking I was going to get a story."
They were right. It wasn't a story. It was an opinion.
So I wrote a story, and worked a lot of the original idea into it.
That may be why this will look familiar. If you've read the story, you'll think this is the same thing.
It is ... and it isn't. Not all of the original ideas could be put into the story. So, because I'm a soap box kind of guy sometimes, I decided to put the original piece in this blog.
I figured that, if nothing else, you could compare the original, with the story, and see how my mind works ... what an original idea looks like, and then what the story that resulted from it looks like. That could be interesting ... couldn't it?
So here we go. This is what I originally wrote:
What Santa Claus, Heroes and Great Sex have in common
First off, this isn't about sex. Well it is, but maybe not in the sense you might think about, what with this being posted at a site full of erotica.
I say that first, because the people who just decided not to read any further wouldn't understand what follows anyway. Now that they're gone, they won't distract the rest of us from having a somewhat serious reflection on some very serious concepts.
"Santa Claus?" say a few of you out there. "Serious concept?" ( Head scratching goes on) "Who is he trying to kid? Everybody knows there's no Santa Claus!"
Well, the fact is, I beg do differ. And if you'll read on, I think I might even convince a few of you.
But let's start with the concept of heroism first. Is there such a thing as a hero?
Of course there is. Everybody believes in heroes, even though they may have never seen one, or been one. Everyone has at least heard of some heroic act, that some faceless otherwise normal person did on the spur of some moment, and in some particular circumstances. I don't even need to give you an example of a heroic act. Everybody can already think of one, even if it's only hypothetical.
Now, let's examine the hero you're thinking of, hypothetical or otherwise. Is that person a hero every day? Not counting those professions painted with the graffiti brush of heroism, like firemen, policemen and military personnel, your average hero is just like the person reading these words.
A hero is just like you, who is suddenly faced with a terrible situation.
Something happens, and the person or people present have to make very quick decisions. Somebody needs help, or is in danger, and getting involved in helping that person, or mitigating that danger, presents danger to the potential heroes who are present, but are not yet caught up in that imminent danger. The hero decides to act. He ... or she ... puts his or her (that's the last time I'll make you endure that) safety in jeopardy ... to help someone else.
The argument about whether or not a hero has time to think about it is for another time and place. Nor will we go into what the hero thinks he may get out of it. I'm really talking about the person who just decides to help, at risk of his own safety, because helping is just the right thing to do. It's instinctive ... a result of how you were raised, perhaps.
It's a selfless act of courage, to help someone else who needs help.
Can anybody be a hero?
I think not. I think there are those among us who would stand back and say something like "Not my problem," or maybe "She got herself into this ... she can get herself out of it," or maybe even "I have kids at home, who depend on me. I can't risk getting hurt."
I understand there is room for argument here, but there is only a limited amount of space to discuss this. But, on the face of it, you get the drift.
"Hero" does not describe any particular person, place or time. Most of you have the capacity to become a hero. It just hasn't happened to you yet.
Now, what does that have to do with Santa Claus?
I won't go into the origins of Santa. You can look that up yourself. What I do want to go into is how some people don't believe in him. I'm not talking about the red suit here, or the beard, or the "Ho,ho, ho" part of what modern society has made him into. I'm talking about the spirit of giving.
That's what a hero has, deep down inside. He has a giving nature. He wants to help those who need help, whether he knows them or not. Santa is like that. It's all about ... giving.
Think about it. Not counting the cookies and milk, what does Santa get out of the deal?
He's not trying to get something out of the deal. He wants to give. He wants people ... not just children ... to be happy. He wants to give us the lift that we all get when someone does something nice for us, without us having to ask, and without there being any strings attached.
Like a hero, Santa is just like you. Most of you have the capacity to be a hero, and those of you with that spirit also have the capacity to become Santa.
You don't go out and say "Hey buddy, I'm going to get in a real scrape here, in a few minutes, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd be a hero and save my butt."
So why do we ask Santa for everything under the sun? What does that make Santa into? It makes him into something you can't believe in, because there is no spirit there. All there is there is selfishness.
We, who have the capacity to become Santa, also have the capacity to kill him.
A lot of us have done just that. As "responsible parents" or "responsible adults", we feel compelled to tell children "There really isn't a Santa. It was just a game to play with you when you were little."
Then we turn around and establish programs to "commit random acts of kindness".
Ask a typical teenager when he decided that this Santa crap was ... crap. He'll more than likely say something like "I asked for a Basilthorn Knockwhiffle action figure and the old fraud didn't come through."
We have made Santa into the epitome of selfishness ... a gimme, gimme, gimme situation, in which there will always result failure and disappointment.
I know Santa exists ... the genuine Santa ... the spirit of giving that creates real people who give, without being asked to give, just because it's a nice thing to do. Heroes have that spirit. People who volunteer at soup kitchens have it. It's the same for those who willingly donate to the Salvation Army, or a myriad of other organizations that represent ... and become ... the jolly old elf that millions of people don't believe in.
The movie "Pay It Forward" is a really good example of people being Santa. If you haven't seen it, rent it. It's a very good movie.
Just as there is no particular person that IS the concept "hero", there is no particular person that IS the concept "Santa."
So why do we say heroes exist ... and Santa doesn't?
Now, for the sake of argument, let's agree that heroes exist, or can exist, and Santa exists, or can exist.
What the fuck does that have to do with great sex?
Well, let's just look at that last sentence. What stands out in it. The expletive stands out. It's a crass, socially unacceptable word that some people use to mean sex.
Everybody thinks sex is a great idea. So what's wrong with the word "Fuck"?
"Fuck" carries the connotation of something unhappy. It's used for lots of things, but most of them are unhappy situations.
"What the Fuck?"
"That's fucked up, man."
"Your fucking ass is mine, motherfucker!"
"Go fuck yourself."
"Where are the fucking keys?!"
"You are one stupid fuck!"
Is it therefore any wonder that when you say something like "I want to fuck ... let's fuck, baby," that it may not be received with a wide smile.
No doubt about it, sometimes it IS received well. I guess what I'm saying is that it's possible that people who want to "fuck" may very well be the same people who will stand back in an emergency and say "Hey, it's not my problem."
That's open for argument too.
What I'm really trying to say is that great sex is about giving, and not necessarily getting.
Think about the hero and Santa again, just for a second. What do they get out of what they do?
They feel good. They did something for someone, and it makes them feel good.
Great sex is like that. When your partner makes that particular sound that you KNOW is real, and you KNOW is genuine, and that you KNOW means you have taken them to a place where they just purely love to be ... you can't help but feel good about that.
Of course that involves paying attention to your partner, just like being a hero means paying attention to the needs of someone in trouble, and being Santa means finding ways to give without claiming credit for the gift.
That's why I don't understand men who patronize prostitutes. She doesn't love him. She is highly unlikely to get any real physical pleasure out of the act. Sure, she gets some money, but it's on the "fucking" level of things. It's not great sex. I'd even argue it can't ever BE great sex. Unless, of course, the John falls in love with the hooker, and actually begins to care about her.
Don't laugh. It could happen.
Great sex is all about giving. If you have the right partner, she's doing the exact same thing, which means she's giving to you, just like you're giving to her. It's one of those pay-it-forward kinds of things, when everyone is participating, except that paying it forward happens in just a few minutes, instead of who knows when.
Great sex is about putting your partner's needs first, and seeking your own gratification a little later, or in some situations, maybe not until a LOT later. Great sex is about discerning what your partner needs, right now, in the moment, and giving her that gift, even if it's at the expense of your own immediate pleasure. Great sex is the process of making love.
Remember how "Fuck" can be used with all kinds of negative connotations?
Just imagine trying to take that concept - "Making Love" - and turn it into something crass or hurtful. We could try some plug and play here, just for fun.
"What the Lovemaking?"
"That's lovemaking, man."
"Your lovemaking ass is mine, mother-lovemaker!"
"Get made love to!"
"Go make love to yourself."
"Where are the lovemaking keys?!"
"You are one stupid lovemaker!"
* Sigh * It just doesn't have the same ring to it, somehow.
In fact, it's almost impossible to twist the concept of making love ... of great sex ... into anything other than what it is.
Does that exist?
Sure it does.
Just like heroes exist.
Now, lest I be accused of being so sticky sweet that people will want to puke, I must say a word about Scrooge too.
Scrooge exists. I don't think anybody would argue about that.
Scrooge is the person who sues the hero because the hero didn't save him perfectly.
Scrooge is the person who receives the gift, and doesn't appreciate it.
Scrooge is an ungrateful, selfish fucker.
Scrooge is the person who says "There is no Santa," because he wants the credit for any "gifts" he gives.
You may never be called on to be a hero. That would be good.
You are desperately needed as Santa. Instead of a blood drive, I'm calling for a Santa drive. Become Santa. Insist that the spirit of giving lives, and become that spirit, not just in December, but whenever you get the chance.
And if you're willing to be a hero, or Santa ... don't be surprised if great sex comes your way too.
They are, after all, quite similar.