Paige Hawthorne: Blog

In Tracy Daugherty’s riveting biography — “Larry McMurtry — A Life” — he cites McMurtry’s philosophy of writing. One example, in a letter to his friend, Ken Kesey, McMurtry said, “For me the novel is character creation. Style is nice, plot is nice, structure is okay, social significance is okay, symbolism worms its way in, timeliness is okay too, but unless the characters convince and live the book’s got no chance.”

At a posh Georgetown party, he overheard a famous Washington, D. C. hostess say, “Good God … I’d rather fuck him than read him.”

Another observation, “I consider it a process of discovery, writing a novel. But I always start with the ending,” he said. “I get tremendous surprises.”

In 1986, McMurtry was invited to speak at a small college in Uvalde, Texas. Yes, that Uvalde. He was staying at the Holiday Inn, where their marque read, “Welcome to Larry Mcmurty, Author of “Terms of Endearment.”

During a lunch break on campus, he learned he’d just been awarded the Pulitzer Prize for “Lonesome Dove.” The next day he was told that the hotel had upgraded their marque — “Catfish Special, $3.99.”

Paige

The “New Yorker” recently profiled a talented hyphenate named Scott Frank. He’s a script-doctor, screenwriter, and director. He wrote “Little Man Tate” when he was 19. A few of his many other projects are “Get Shorty”, “Minority Report”, and “The Queen’s Gambit”.

When called in to rescue a film (to rewrite the script), he charges $300,000 a week.

Insiders say that most writers can do either story or character. Frank does both. And, like Lee Child (Reacher), he forges the story to fit the character.

He also believes in that Billy Wilder observation — “If you have a problem in the third act, the real problem is in the first act.”

Frank has an interesting take on the concerns about Artificial Intelligence and its ability to take over the writing field — as magnificent as it is, “It can’t make an audience care about the character.”

Frank is also a consultant to the Sundance Screenwriters Lab. His advice — “Stop watching movies and start reading.”

Paige

Readers have been clamoring — clamor-clamor — for guidelines, for guardrails, for a recipe. Something, anything, to help them navigate the serpentine odyssey undertaken when perusing an SOL masterpiece.

So, for “Part 2 — The Real Housewives of Sausalito, Mississippi”, here is a helpful Baedeker for appreciating — or avoiding — the adult passages in an otherwise decorous story:

Table of Contentments:

Chapters: Characterization:

1 — 9 Abnormal
10 — 22 Warped
23 — 33 Weird
34 — 41 Bizarre
42 — 51 Perverted
52 — 62 Deviant
63 — 69 Twisted
70 — 74 Depraved
75 — 80 Degenerate
81 — 91 Perverse
92 — 99 Aberrant

100 — 113 Erotic
114 — 121 Arousing
122 — 130 Stimulating
131 — 138 Hot
139 — 149 Explicit
150 — 160 Titillating
161 — 171 Racy
172 — 182 Risqué
183 — 187 Provocative
188 — 195 Spicy
196 — 202 Juicy
203 — 211 Smutty
212 — 215 Vulgar
216 — 227 Crude
228 — 238 Lewd
239 — 245 Raunchy
246 — 253 Steamy
254 — 265 Inappropriate
266 — 294 Rude
295 — 307 Offensive
308 — 329 Indecent
330 — 347 Unacceptable

You’re welcome,

Paige

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays this author from posting “Part 2 — The Real Housewives of Sausalito, Mississippi”.

Yes, the original ‘Housewives’ caused readers to flee the site, renounce citizenship, threaten suicide.

Responding to ‘Part 2’ rumors, you one-bombers have already flooded ye olde mailbox with venomous, spiteful, irascible, and — dare I say — mordant communiqués.

Nevertheless — undaunted — I shall post ‘Part 2’ on or around December 1. This year, this site, this page. Be warned.

Cheers!

Paige

P. S. For SOL- calendar purposes, I'm going Gregorian -- which means that this year is 365.2425 days long. Which means that December 1, 2023 is... um, tomorrow.

Ordinarily, I wouldn’t dream of pleading the Fifth. But these are abnormal times. Ever since I announced the December 1-ish publication of “Part 2 — The Real Housewives of Sausalito Mississippi”, the outrage has been … well, outrageous.

Every night when I gaze out at my picket-fenced lawn, the question is … will I see burning dildos?

So … perhaps I need a pseudonym for my pseudonym …

Cheers!

Paige